What has destroyed my life since I was a chid has currently brought me to my knees at the worst point in my life. So, I just needed a space to put it out there that as of June 15, 2014, I quit consuming alcohol. Thank you all for your support.
I don't need the "oh, good job!" or "so proud!" reminders from people, either. I recognize that I was a high-functioning alcoholic, but I let it destroy my family in the worst way possible (not getting into details here).
I quit cold turkey. I do not need to go to an AA group for this. I am a strong person in control of myself, and so I will simply quit. Yes, there are going to be cravings, but my will is stronger than those.
I am not posting this in a public forum, because of the aforementioned reasons. But, it feels good to say to someone else other than my wife that I have quit drinking.
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Role Dadels.
Being a dad in today's world is not easy. Every dad's scenario is different, of course. However, I think, if we all talked about it, we could agree that dads today are not the dads of 50, even 20, years ago.
I think of my current role as a dad, and I compare it mostly to 1.) my own dad, 2.) my father-in-law, and 3.) my three grandfathers (one deceased - my dad's dad, and two alive - one my mom's dad and one my mom's stepdad).
In comparison to #3, my mom's dad and stepdad, I should break that down to 3.1 and 3.2, respectively, and I will not talk about my deceased grandfather (my dad's dad) out of respect for him.
3.1 - My Grandpa. My grandpa has been there for me numerous times in life. I've never asked him for much, except inherently to be a role model to me, which he has served quite well. He has taught me a lot about having patience, being a handyman, and being just a generally nice person. I can't fault him for much, except his alcoholism (though, we all cope in different ways) and his unwavering support of my mom (which I get, because I would do anything for my children). But, I know he's a guy who would answer my call at any hour of the night, and he has done so.
3.2 - My "Step"grandpa. My technically-step-grandpa isn't that much to me, these days anyways. Growing up, he was kinda stubborn and mean, but I always attributed that to him being Italian. Today, I don't really know him, mostly due to the family dynamic on my mom's side of the family. He makes a killer spaghetti and meatballs, though! Also, he's fun to drink sangria with, though he should probably lay off that someday, as it has inhibited his health so far.
2. - My Father-in-law. A father-in-law/son-in-law relationship is, well, very unique. First of all, and let's just get this out of the way, you started out by banging his daughter. But what separates an awesome FIL from an ok or not-so-ok one is his ability to look past that. My FIL has been so supportive of me and Erica, and it's incredible. Yet, he has watched me carefully, waiting for me to screw up and calling me out on it, making sure to teach me important life skills, showing me how to love his daughter indirectly through how he treats his wife (my mother-in-law), and having my back through a lot of awesome times and a lot of tough times. Best yet, even when it annoys me, he picks on me relentlessly, if only to keep me humble. There's a few things I might change about my FIL, but he's been pretty amazing, and I can only hope to emulate his qualities in raising my children and caring for his daughter.
1. - My Own Dad. I would like to preface this by saying at one point in my life, and I still think this to some extent, my dad was proud of me. He told me so, even if not often, but I always remembered it. The song "Something To Be Proud Of" by Montgomery Gentry is hard for me to hear, because it takes me back to a place where I remember what my dad thought of me. And now, for the rant... My dad is a spineless coward. The only two things I'm proud of him for are sticking by mom in raising me in an almost out-of-wedlock situation and for telling me occasionally that he was proud of me. I hate him for the rest of him. My mom wore the pants in our family; always did and always will. If you know my backstory, some of this rant will be easier to swallow. If you don't, this blog went from kind of okay to super dark quite quickly. My dad is spineless and will never know how to stick up for what he believes in, because he's manipulated and controlled by my mom. And I don't even care I'm saying these things about him. He'll never get to know his AWESOME grandkids, because he's too ignorant to see that he feeds into the hands of a drunk psychopath. Aside from the two things above that I'm proud of, he did give me a couple of great qualities, though. I have a sense of humor (so many Jim Carrey moments remind me of my dad), a gentleness about me (he was kind in his discipline), and a crazy love for music (the damn guy used to charge me $1 if I couldn't name a song within 10 seconds of it starting). And those are things I am grateful for. I guess if he were to know what I look up to him for, those would be the things. The rest he has taught me lessons about, even if by accident.
I started this post by talking about how being a dad in today's world isn't easy. I did so, because I was reading a few articles tonight about how dads have evolved, yet popular culture hasn't quite caught up. It makes me sad that there are dads that don't take care of their kids. And, this isn't some sort of pick me up to assure myself that I'm doing okay as a dad. It truly makes me sad that people don't see the normal dad as the dad that spends quality time with his kids (despite married or single or widowed or divorced or whatever). Today's world is not 50 years ago. It's not the dad working as the primary breadwinner and the mom taking care of the kids. It's not the dad getting home from work and sitting in the recliner and tuning out the world while the mom cooks supper and gets the kids ready for bed. It's just not any of it, anymore.
And, that's ok. But for the sake of progression, let's please stop acting like dads that are involved in their kids' lives shouldn't get a pat on the back. The articles I read tonight focused on the "isn't it about time" idea rather than recognizing that some dads are working really hard at it, and, believe it or not, may not realize it's the norm they're living in, BECAUSE IT'S THEIR NORM. We don't need a special pat on the back for being dads, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Just as much as moms that work shouldn't need the "it's about time women work equally" speech. Just let it all evolve, take some things for granted, and stop frickin' judging everything.
P.S. I live in what appears to be quite a happy ordeal.. However, I STRUGGLE daily with 'how things should be' or the 'ideal life.' Nobody knows the right answer, so we just keep working towards what we feel is right. Just be.
I feel like whenever I blog, I leave a disjointed conclusion, which is probably true. I apologize to the readers for that. However, my brain doesn't conclude thoughts on paper usually. Instead, I get my thoughts out, and then my solution becomes action before the ink ever touches the paper. Have a great night folks, and Happy Fathers' Day to you dads out there. Keep being the best dads you can be.
I think of my current role as a dad, and I compare it mostly to 1.) my own dad, 2.) my father-in-law, and 3.) my three grandfathers (one deceased - my dad's dad, and two alive - one my mom's dad and one my mom's stepdad).
In comparison to #3, my mom's dad and stepdad, I should break that down to 3.1 and 3.2, respectively, and I will not talk about my deceased grandfather (my dad's dad) out of respect for him.
3.1 - My Grandpa. My grandpa has been there for me numerous times in life. I've never asked him for much, except inherently to be a role model to me, which he has served quite well. He has taught me a lot about having patience, being a handyman, and being just a generally nice person. I can't fault him for much, except his alcoholism (though, we all cope in different ways) and his unwavering support of my mom (which I get, because I would do anything for my children). But, I know he's a guy who would answer my call at any hour of the night, and he has done so.
3.2 - My "Step"grandpa. My technically-step-grandpa isn't that much to me, these days anyways. Growing up, he was kinda stubborn and mean, but I always attributed that to him being Italian. Today, I don't really know him, mostly due to the family dynamic on my mom's side of the family. He makes a killer spaghetti and meatballs, though! Also, he's fun to drink sangria with, though he should probably lay off that someday, as it has inhibited his health so far.
2. - My Father-in-law. A father-in-law/son-in-law relationship is, well, very unique. First of all, and let's just get this out of the way, you started out by banging his daughter. But what separates an awesome FIL from an ok or not-so-ok one is his ability to look past that. My FIL has been so supportive of me and Erica, and it's incredible. Yet, he has watched me carefully, waiting for me to screw up and calling me out on it, making sure to teach me important life skills, showing me how to love his daughter indirectly through how he treats his wife (my mother-in-law), and having my back through a lot of awesome times and a lot of tough times. Best yet, even when it annoys me, he picks on me relentlessly, if only to keep me humble. There's a few things I might change about my FIL, but he's been pretty amazing, and I can only hope to emulate his qualities in raising my children and caring for his daughter.
1. - My Own Dad. I would like to preface this by saying at one point in my life, and I still think this to some extent, my dad was proud of me. He told me so, even if not often, but I always remembered it. The song "Something To Be Proud Of" by Montgomery Gentry is hard for me to hear, because it takes me back to a place where I remember what my dad thought of me. And now, for the rant... My dad is a spineless coward. The only two things I'm proud of him for are sticking by mom in raising me in an almost out-of-wedlock situation and for telling me occasionally that he was proud of me. I hate him for the rest of him. My mom wore the pants in our family; always did and always will. If you know my backstory, some of this rant will be easier to swallow. If you don't, this blog went from kind of okay to super dark quite quickly. My dad is spineless and will never know how to stick up for what he believes in, because he's manipulated and controlled by my mom. And I don't even care I'm saying these things about him. He'll never get to know his AWESOME grandkids, because he's too ignorant to see that he feeds into the hands of a drunk psychopath. Aside from the two things above that I'm proud of, he did give me a couple of great qualities, though. I have a sense of humor (so many Jim Carrey moments remind me of my dad), a gentleness about me (he was kind in his discipline), and a crazy love for music (the damn guy used to charge me $1 if I couldn't name a song within 10 seconds of it starting). And those are things I am grateful for. I guess if he were to know what I look up to him for, those would be the things. The rest he has taught me lessons about, even if by accident.
I started this post by talking about how being a dad in today's world isn't easy. I did so, because I was reading a few articles tonight about how dads have evolved, yet popular culture hasn't quite caught up. It makes me sad that there are dads that don't take care of their kids. And, this isn't some sort of pick me up to assure myself that I'm doing okay as a dad. It truly makes me sad that people don't see the normal dad as the dad that spends quality time with his kids (despite married or single or widowed or divorced or whatever). Today's world is not 50 years ago. It's not the dad working as the primary breadwinner and the mom taking care of the kids. It's not the dad getting home from work and sitting in the recliner and tuning out the world while the mom cooks supper and gets the kids ready for bed. It's just not any of it, anymore.
And, that's ok. But for the sake of progression, let's please stop acting like dads that are involved in their kids' lives shouldn't get a pat on the back. The articles I read tonight focused on the "isn't it about time" idea rather than recognizing that some dads are working really hard at it, and, believe it or not, may not realize it's the norm they're living in, BECAUSE IT'S THEIR NORM. We don't need a special pat on the back for being dads, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Just as much as moms that work shouldn't need the "it's about time women work equally" speech. Just let it all evolve, take some things for granted, and stop frickin' judging everything.
P.S. I live in what appears to be quite a happy ordeal.. However, I STRUGGLE daily with 'how things should be' or the 'ideal life.' Nobody knows the right answer, so we just keep working towards what we feel is right. Just be.
I feel like whenever I blog, I leave a disjointed conclusion, which is probably true. I apologize to the readers for that. However, my brain doesn't conclude thoughts on paper usually. Instead, I get my thoughts out, and then my solution becomes action before the ink ever touches the paper. Have a great night folks, and Happy Fathers' Day to you dads out there. Keep being the best dads you can be.
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